12.3.02 I hope everyone had a good Thanksgiving.  The long weekend away from the responsibilities of employment and home maintenance gave me time to reflect on the world and ponder our existence.  Here are a few of the random thoughts I had over the holiday weekend: Why isn?t there a tryptophan (I have no idea how you spell it, and I?m too damn lazy to go and look it up, but you know what I mean, it?s the stuff in turkey that makes you sleepy) pill for people with insomnia?  That stuff works better than any other sleeping pill I?ve ever heard of.  It?s like clockwork ? an hour after Thanksgiving dinner everyone is out like a light.  The Cowboys football game might get the highest ratings for a show no one watches, because they are all asleep on the couch with the game droning on the television (there?s a joke here about the Cowboys offense putting people to sleep, but I?ll save those for the NFL column). Wouldn?t 4 o?clock in the afternoon on Thanksgiving be the perfect time to burglarize someone?s house?   You know for a fact everyone inside would be unconscious. Don?t you hate the guy that remembers every time you?ve ever mis-spoken?  Yeah, I?m that guy.  One time a relative of mine (I won?t name names) couldn?t remember the word tryptophan, and instead referred to it as carcinogen.  I still get the giggles thinking about that conversation (although it might have been the wine at the time). Oh, and don?t worry, I remember every time I?ve mis-spoken, too.  Those are often induced by alcohol as well. Why is it that my dog has to sniff the butt of every animal he comes in contact with?  I know that it is their way of remembering each other or whatever, but my dog takes it to a whole different level.  He will sniff our cat?s ass every chance he gets, even though he?s sniffed it many times before.  What does he get out of it?   It is the most bizarre thing.  The little bastard would have his nose surgically implanted in that cat?s ass if he had a choice. You know those electronic scrolling signs that businesses have to promote whatever it is that they are selling ? ?Eat at Joe?s??Steak Sandwich $4.99?..?  Well, I want to get one of those for the outside of my car.  That way I could have a little keyboard in my car and I could tell the assholes on the road exactly what I?m thinking.  If I try now, I end up yelling and they think that I?m going to carjack them or something.  If I had a little sign I could just type ?You?re in the wrong lane asshole, left lane=fast, right lane=slow,? and maybe then they?d get the hint. I know I?ve written about driving etiquette in this space on multiple times before, but GODDAMN, PEOPLE!   I drove to Lincoln and back for Thanksgiving and I was ready to kill someone by the time it was over. Yesterday I got an e-mail from my sister asking how my Thanksgiving went.  Here is the little poem that I wrote as a response: Twas the night of Thanksgiving and all through the house Not a creature was stirring, all were silent as a mouse Then Henry crashed in and scattered the cats And we all groaned for we were too fat The food was magnificent, the cake was superb But poor little Henry didn?t even get an hors d?ouerve We all sat lethargic, our bellies quite plump While Henry ran rampant, chasing kitty rump The meal and the weekend were a smashing success Except for poor Henry, but that you could guess For he caught no cat, but suffered instead The wrath of a kitty claw, right to the head