4.4.03 ? Arguing Etiquette
I love to argue ? this is no surprise to my wife ? but some people just don?t understand the art of arguing. They take things
personally, or they participate in certain taboo arguing tactics. In an effort to remedy these problems, I provide you all with the
etiquette of arguing:
1. Don?t take it personally. I was arguing politics with someone a couple of weeks ago and they responded to one of my
statements by saying ?Well, I guess you don?t like me anymore.? Generally, with some exceptions, if I don?t like a person I
won?t bother to argue with them. A disagreement of opinions does not affect an overall opinion of the person (again, with some
exceptions, for example, if someone were to argue that they thought Hitler?s policy of exterminating the Jews was a good idea, I
would disagree with that opinion, and probably change my overall opinion of the person, as well).
2. Don?t resort to name calling. This one goes hand in hand with #1. If you disagree with someone, fine, state your opinion,
disagree, make your point. If your only resort is to call them a name, however, you should just end the conversation. The ?Oh
yeah, well you?re just stupid,? line is a bad tactic and usually implies that you have been intellectually beaten. This is often used in
this subtle way: ?A person is just stupid if they don?t agree that [insert argument here that the person you are talking to disagrees
with].?
3. Don?t lump your opponent together with the extremes of groups. For example, anyone that states a liberal opinion should not
be referred to as ?You and your flaming, leftist, commie, tree-hugging buddies,? and anyone that states a conservative opinion
should not be referred to as ?You and your warmongering, Pat Buchanon wannabe, religious-right wacko buddies.? The vast
majority of people fall somewhere in between, lumping them with the extremes is a cheap tactic designed to get them to soften
their stance.
4. Don?t cite statistics or reference studies unless you have direct references to them. I myself was guilty of this last week when
I argued that ?countless studies have shown that?? Really? What studies? Where can I find their conclusions and methods?
5. Don?t put words in your opponent?s mouth. Other things you can put in their mouth (just making sure someone is still
reading). Seriously, though, some people make arguments that jump several steps in their opponents arguments because
conclusions are assumed. This can be purposely done to make your opponent appear to hold ridiculous opinions.
6. Don?t deny your opponents right to make an argument. The statement of ?Well, you are a [man, woman, white person, black
person, Jew, Christian, or any other distinguishing personal characteristic], so you shouldn?t even get an opinion on this subject,?
should be made punishable by death. And yes, I have heard that one before.
That?s all I?ve got for the moment. I will update as more occur to me. If there are any that you feel I?ve left out, e-mail them to
me and I will include them in a future article.