So? Mel Gibson made a movie about the crucifixion of Jesus. Mel?s come a long way from Mad Max to the crucifixion (although, they actually have
quite a bit more in common than you might think ? notwithstanding the fact that I have not personally seen either movie). I remember hearing once that
there are only three plotlines ever written and every book and movie is just a variation on a theme. The problem is that lately there haven?t been many
variations on the themes either. Just this year we?ve had Miracle and Alamo (both continuing the trend of American vanity by making a movie out of
every great moment this country has seen) and The Passion of the Christ. Are there no good writers out there with original ideas?
[I have to interrupt myself here with an aside: did anyone hear or read about the movie that Michael Jackson pitched to Kevin Smith? Kevin Smith is
the actor/director that has made Clerks, Mallrats, Chasing Amy, Dogma and other films. In a Playboy interview he said that Michael Jackson pitched
a movie that would star Michael as a man that morphs into a car that a little boy then drives around. Dear God, I wish I could make something this
funny up. I think a better movie could be made out of Michael pitching that idea to Smith. Hell, if someone could have filmed that meeting I would
pay $8 to see it. At least Mike?s trying, I guess ? and no, a pedophile morphing into a car that a child drives is not one of the ?only three plotlines
ever written? as mentioned above.]
What happens when we?ve pilfered through history and made a movie out of every noteworthy event? I guess we start to do them over again ? it?s
not like Hollywood is opposed to making multiple movies on the same historic event. Anybody remember the year when both Tombstone and Wyatt
Earp came out? Did we really need two movies about Wyatt Earp in the same year? I?m not a movie historian, but I?d be willing to bet that other
movies that involved the shootout at the O.K. Corral have been made in the past, too. We were just lucky to get two in the same year.
So anyway, I was discussing this trend with a friend of mine and we somehow began arguing over what character has been portrayed in the most
number of movies. Before I get to the argument, I have to define the question as we defined it during our discussion. The character can be a real
historical figure or a fictional figure, but the character must have been portrayed by an actor on screen in the movie to count (so a reference to Jesus or
a crucifix hanging in a church wouldn?t count). I started off saying that I thought that Al Capone had to rank near the top. My friend disagreed,
saying that Jesus has to top the list. We decided to use Al Capone as a baseline in determining relativity between characters. So, my friend said that
Jesus was at least Capone+25, while I conceded that Jesus may be on the plus side, but I figured it would be more like Capone+5. We also came to
the conclusion that Robin Hood had to be near the top ? I said Robin Hood would be Capone-7, while my friend argued for Capone+3. I?m not sure
how you?d count Elvis, because he played himself a lot and there have been a lot of ?Elvis impersonators? in films that weren?t really playing Elvis,
they were playing someone impersonating Elvis. So that one is up in the air. Others that were mentioned were Frankenstein (Capone-10), Columbus
(Capone-8), and Babe Ruth (Capone-15). I know we?ve missed a ton of others, so if you think of any email me and let me know the character and
your justification for their Capone rating.
And For No Apparent Reason
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