I'm a sucker. I admit it. I'm like the stupid racoon that gets caught in a trap because they reach in for the shiny thing, and if they'd just let go of the shiny
thing they could get themselves free, but they are too enthralled by the shiny thing to let go. My shiny thing is electronic gadgets. I've got to have 'em all,
especially when it comes to home audio/video crapola. I've got a flat screen, widescreen, HDTV monitor with digital cable coming out of an HDTV cable
box, a five disc DVD player, a surround sound audio system, a VCR, an XBox, a PS2, and now, a TIVO. Besides the cost to buy all this crap, it costs
me roughly $847 just to watch t.v. every month. But I've got to tell you: I can't imagine doing without any of it. Actually, that's not true - the VCR might
be gone (until I want to copy something from the TIVO to tape for posterity) and the PS2 is in danger of going the way of the dodo (because XBox Live is
more addictive than heroin).
Anyway, the TIVO is my newest little gadget that I got from a very close relative at a recent holiday celebration. The details are a little fuzzy on that, but I
can sure as hell tell you everything that happened in football over the weekend, what's happening in the current storyline of the show Lost, who won the
past season of The Apprentice (my wife made me watch, I swear), how to make several different meals - each in under thirty minutes according to Rachel
Ray (my wife makes me watch, I swear), the three different medical maladies that Hitler was probably suffering in the last years of his life (according to
some medical historians), the complete dialog of Billy Madison, and the episode summaries for the first three seasons of The West Wing. Now with
TIVO, I'll be able to waste my brain cells more efficiently.
For anyone out there contemplating purchasing a TIVO, here's a piece of advice: stop being a moron and go buy one. TIVO is my new best friend. It
knows what I llike to watch and tapes shows for me, just in case I want to check it out. It lets me fast forward right through commercials and even gives
me little cues so I know when to stop fast forwarding. The best part: it allows me to be a giant sloth whenever it fits into my schedule. Never again will I
say "Damn, the Welcome Back, Kotter reruns are only on at 3:30am on Tuesday, I'll have to call in to work sick again" or "Why is there never a good
Hitler documentary on the History Channel when I'm in the mood for syphilis and megalomania?" Never again. TIVO gives me what I want, when I want
it. God, I love this country.
And For No Apparent Reason
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