More History of Granger's Articles
	Satan Incarnite 3.22.01 Those of you that know me have probably heard me say this before, but I'm going on the record to say that I think Martha Stewart is the spawn of Beelzebub.  I was once cruelly punished by being forced to watch her little show on T.V. and I heard her refer to herself as perfect three times.  I believe that she honestly thinks that she is perfect.  That makes me sick.  Really, anyone that would seriously walk the Earth with her attitude has issues that can only be resolved with a baseball bat or a lead pipe... O.K., maybe I sound a little spiteful and my comments could be over the top a bit on the venomous side, but anyone that spends their entire life looking for ways to decorate their house using toothpicks, eggshells and your grandfather's old corncob pipe scares me.  She somehow finds ways to make everything look like it came out of an L.L. Bean catalog when in reality it came out of the dumpster.  Some might say that is admirable or interesting, I say it is disturbed.  If you've ever seen one of those History Channel or A & E specials on serial killers or mass murderers, those guys always have some quirky little hobby like that.  I think Charles Manson liked to knit sweaters from the lint in his belly button... She is also one of those women that is like a knick knack queen.  She probably invented the knick knack.  What the fuck is that anyway?  They serve absolutely no useful purpose except to fill space.  No one particularly enjoys looking at them, but every house has some.  It's really scary when you walk in a house and every possible space has a figurine, picture frame, or decorative thimble in it.  I'm a little worried because now that I'm engaged my house is starting to look like that.  I came home one day and went "Hey, what the fuck is all this shit?"  It all seemed to multiply.  There was one piece on a shelf and I figured "no big deal."  The next thing I know I have to move out of my apartment because there isn't enough space for my things and all the knick knacks. Well, now that I'm probably in big trouble I'll get back to the point of this article: Martha Stewart is evil.   I've said how she is annoying and how I do not share her affinity for "crap," by why is she evil, you ask?   Because she makes people (read: women) think that it's normal to have all that crap and for their house to look like hers does.  It's not normal.  Rational human beings (read: men) realize that it is completely unnecessary to fill all empty spaces in your living area with ceramic.  Martha Stewart, by calling herself perfect and showing women how to accomplish her lifestyle, promotes these things as normalcy.  Would there be a market for this crap without Martha Stewart?  Maybe, and so I'll admit that Martha Stewart isn't the sole cause for this phenomena, but she is the most visible and most irritating purveyor of it, so therefore I proclaim Martha Stewart as the symbol of all evil.
		4.2.01 Drew Reichardt: Ahhhh. . . . .  Baseball opening day (at least in the lower 48).  Another year, another Yankee championship.  Yes, I am going to go out on a limb and say the Yankees win another World Series.   They will beat the Dodgers. Their time has come.  Biggest surprise of the season: Marlins take the NL wildcard.  Biggest disappointment: Red Sox finish under .500.  Biggest disappointment #2: Braves fail to make the postseason. Any predictions from you boys? Granger: My, oh my, you must have been hitting the crack pipe a lot lately.  The Dodgers in the World Series?   My prediction is, of course, the Cardinals winning the World Series.  They will beat Cleveland (who will be bolstered by the deadline acquision of Randy Johnson).  Oakland will disappoint, finish second in the West and out of the race for the wildcard.  I agree that Boston's curse will continue - giving the Yankees an easy road to the playoffs, where they beat Seattle (the west winner) in the first round and lose to the Indians for the pennant.  The Wild Card will go to Toronto by one game over the worthless Royals, who play over their heads all year and then crumble down the stretch. In the N.L. the Braves will make the post-season and lose to the Cardinals again.  Colorado will take the West and play the wild card Astros.  Cardinals will beat Houston for the N.L. pennant. N.L. MVP - Jeff Bagwell  A.L. MVP - Juan Gonzalez N.L. ROY - Jimmy Rollins A.L. ROY - Ichiro Suzuki (or whatever that guy's name is for Seattle) Big Mac hits 64 HRs, but Bagwell hits 65 Helton bats .368 and finishes second in the batting title to Vlad at .374 A-Rod: .322, 44 HR, 118 RBI Rangers: 85-77 There you have it, no need to watch the season... Drew Reichardt: Well, I guess Granger has thought things through a little further than I have.  Here are my in-depth predictions (as they come off the top of my head: ALDS: Yankees beat the Mariners in the first round, A's beat the Tribe. ALCS: Yankees beat the A's in 6. NLDS: Cardinal beat the Marlins in the 1st round, Dodgers beat the Mets. NLCS: Dodgers in 6 World Series: Yanks in 4. AL MVP: Juan Gonzalez    NL MVP: Mike Piazza AL ROY: Toma Ohka (unless he was a rookie last year)  NL ROY: Who knows. Big Mac hits 22 home runs (in 54 games) and retires after the season. A-Rod: .306, 39 HR, 132 RBI (and everyone complains about his "lack of production."  Rumblings heard out of Texas: "What are we paying this guy for?")  Rangers: 81-81 Todd Helton bats .412 at Coors Field and .332 away, giving him a .376 average, but never really threatening .400 after June 1.  Tony Gwynn bats .341 Rickey Henderson sets the walks record, but doesn't get his 3000th hit. Rafael Palmiero wins a Gold Glove. 3 Crooked Squirrels wins the Roody Poo Candy Ass fantasy league walking away. Jason Hoyt: I actually agree with some of the things that you are predicting to happen.  I will give you a couple other categories.  AL mvp will be the highest paid player in the game, ARod.  I know that is not going out on a limb, but I think he is going to put up 50 hrs this year.  NL mvp is a little tougher.  I think Andrew Jones is going to take this one.  He will be a 30/30 man with a shot at 40/40.  NL Cy Young is going back to its rightful owner, Greg Maddux.  AL Cy Young is the easiest to pick.  You have to go with Pedro.  He has been almost unhittable for the last two years.  Look for Mike Mussina to give him a run for his money this year.  Biggest disappointment will be the Colorado Rockies.  No matter how much they spend on pitching, colorado is always going to be a hitters ballpark and they should load up on the power and forget about pitching.  They will finish last in the NL west.
			MASTER INDEX Advice Columns Suck Archives Baseball Because I Can Betting Pool Clark's Corner Fat Guys Get Naked Too Fiction Football The Gogs Guest Article Mitch's Multi-Monthly Meanderings Mixed Bag NCAA Tournament The Professor Sex Stone