And For No Apparent Reason
	4.21.05
			Fake Editor’s note:  A lot of people e-mailed in to say that it is difficult to tell what is metten’s and what is other stuff.  This week we’re going to try out some new creative editing to make things easier on everybody.  Let us know if it works for you. Everybody HATES you.  Everybody TELLS you that they hate you.  Everybody tells you WHAT YOU DID to make them hate you.  What do you do?  You basically have four choices:  You can 1) Stop doing whatever it is that you are doing that makes everybody hate you and hope they change their opinion, 2) Keep doing whatever it is that you are doing that makes everybody hate you and disregard their opinion, 3) Do whatever it is that you are doing to make everybody hate you at greater volume (either more or louder) and enjoy their increased hatred, or 4) Kill yourself. HERE’S THE PART WHERE METTEN QUITS WRITING & STARTS QUOTING OTHER WEBSITES: •        Wasn't it Mike Meyers as Wayne who christened it "the Hitler Channel"? http://www.taintedbill.com/archives/003593.html •        Ironically, charting the chilling labyrinth of Hitler's psyche has been a task largely left to historians (of all kinds), and since no one actually reads the academic stuff, the History Channel (which my grad school roommate dubbed The Hitler Channel) has provided society at large a convenient and compelling thumbnail that I will call The Hitler Story. http://www.h-net.org/mmreviews/showrev.cgi?path=386 •        Roseanne took the stage to a standing ovation. Her inaugural words as a guest on Inside the Actors Studio were to tell James Lipton that besides "The Hitler Channel" (her name for the History Channel) Inside The Actors Studio was her favorite show. Roseanne then asked the technical crew, "Are you guys gonna shove this microphone thing further up my arse?" James Lipton laughed, with one eyebrow still perfectly arched. http://www.girlcomic.net/june2k1/june2k1_radar_roseanne.php •        The History Channel is all-Hitler, all-the-time; I call it The Hitler Channel.   http://www.secondbreakfast.net/archives/000291.html •        Results 51 - 60 of about 1,140 for "The Hitler Channel". (0.12 seconds) And that’s as far as I got. HERE’S THE PART WHERE METTEN QUITS QUOTING OTHER WEBSITES & GIVES HIS BULLSHIT OPINION: The History Channel sucks.  And you weren’t the first one to call it ‘The Hitler Channel’.  These two things I know to be true.  In fact, Nostradamus first sarcastically predicted in 1550 that there would one day be a cable network called ‘The Hitler Channel’ devoted entirely to selling Time/Life books about Hitler to gullible shut-ins.   I found one guy that called the Disney Channel ‘The Hitler Channel’ (which actually makes just as much sense), but other than that everybody refers to ‘The History Channel’ as ‘The Hitler Channel’.  You’re not telling some sort of funny joke by pointing out the fact that whoever is in charge of ‘The History Channel’ programming has some sort of unhealthy obsession with das Fuhrer.  If you want to just call it ‘The Hitler Channel’, that’s fine – but don’t wink and say it like it’s a joke.  Seriously…stop it. The Earth has been around for a few million years and all they want to do is dissect their favorite 20 over and over and over again.   Hitler in his early years, Hitler’s rise to power, Hitler dead in a bunker and that’s it.  I understand that watching homo heidelbergensis hunt, eat and crap for an hour wouldn’t be especially historic or even entertaining, but damn!  Would it kill you guys to cover an event that didn’t have its own plate down at the Franklin fucking Mint? It’s too bad really – they’re not going to stop running Hitlerthons because Hitlerthons apparently sell ad time.  People are going to keep calling it ‘The Hitler Channel’ because they’re not going to stop being frustrated by the fact that the channel runs nothing but Mein Kampf.  It seems like there must be some common ground around here somewhere, but they just keep choosing option 2.   Fuck ‘em – I’ll just shut off the TV and get my history from books written by history’s winners.
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