3.2.03
Okay, everybody checks out the competition. I remember chasing those Save-U-More motherfuckers out of Hy-Vee
when I worked there as a kid. So anyway, I went to shittyadvice.com to see if they were funnier than me. In case you
didn't know, the page you are reading is a comedy page (or anyway, its supposed to be).
Its not exactly the same thing. They get requests for advice (we have to pretend that the requests are real because they
promise to honor confidentiality), then they make up funny advice to give. They're supposed to anyway, goddamn, the shit
is lame.
I come in after its all said and done and try to help someone who got crappy advice, and hopefully, comedy ensues. The
point is, they both involve advice and attempts at comedy. Fortunately, it ends there, because they suck more dick than
Mr. Clark's wife of 75 years. As part of the world's smoothest segue, check out this cocksucker of an article:
I have this hidden talent, I can suck my own dick. I know what your thinking 16 inches of python right!,Wrong I have a normal
size penis around 6 to 8 inches. I'm extremely flexible in my back and neck. Go on imagine it someone who can suck his own
dick. I told my girlfriend she said "you have a gift from god you have to show me". So that night I warmed up with stretches.
Oh man did I put on a show for her, with my deep throat action. She cheered me on with giggles and laughter until I blew my all
mighty load all over the room.
The problem is she wants me to suck my dick all the time now. I want her to suck my dick but she loves watching me suck my
own dick while she masturbates.
I don't think I can bare the thought of sucking my own dick for the rest of our time together.
I should be grateful that god has given me a talent. But it's not like he gave me the talent to heal sick people or play basketball like
mike.
My girlfriend said people would pay money to see me suck my own rod.
What should I do?
Move on to another girl and forget my sexy secret.
Start a pay per view website.
Take up a hobby.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Confused Cock Sucker,
You have some SERIOUS issues! What in the hell would even make you think to suck your own dick? Were you that desperate
one night? Are you secretly gay and would like to suck other guys dicks? Do you like the taste of your own spew? I think your
girlfriend should leave your pathetic, dick sucking ways because why should she suck your dick when you could take care of it
yourself? If you can do it yourself while she relaxes and laughs at your lame attempts of a life, then why should she bother doing
it herself? Her giving you pleasure when you clearly would rather do it yourself, kind of defeats the purpose. I know guys often
say
that they would do it if they could, but I don't think they're actually serious about attempting to try it. Being that I'm a girl, I
couldn't even begin to think why you would choose to do this yourself instead of having you girlfriend do for you. The fact that
you're proud of your "gift from god", (which by the way, if this was a gift from god, he would have made it so all men could do
it, not just some sick perv that's worked really hard to become flexible enough to do it!), shows that you don't care if your
girlfriend stays around or not. She obviously didn't know of your so-called talent before she started dating you, so why the fuck
should she need to stay around knowing that you're a FREAK?
My advice to you is to join the circus to be with the other freaks just like you, and admit to yourself, your girlfriend and your
family that you're really a FAG!
By:
Rude Girl
AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!! Rude Girl? Rude Girl?? Rude GIRL?????? GIRL!!!!!!!!!! "Dear Mr. Metten,
my fallopian tubes are clogged with donuts, what do I do?" Mr. Metten, "I don't know, ask a doctor or someone with Fallopian
tubes."
The point here is: Don't answer a question you know nothing about. You will never see me attack a question about abortion, or
makeup, or tampoons, or any piece of human anatomy that I can't find on my person. I suggest you do the same. Past that, this
bitch is stupid. And Ignorant. And ugly. Okay I don't know that, but she deserves to have any form of computing device taken
from her for the rest of her life.
The holy grail of mastrubation for any man is the ability to suck his own dick. Anyone that disputes this is a woman. Speaking
of women, rude girl has to be about 16. No guy merely professes to want to suck his own dick. I would do it, Granger would
do it, my mailman would do it, Ned fucking Flanders would do it. That aside, what else is stupid? Forgive me, this is long
enough anyway. Just compare her first sentence with my first sentence and so on...
The man has no serious issues, he is a hero and inspiration to all men. He thought of trying to suck his own dick because
EVERY GUY TRIES AT LEAST TWICE, YOU IGNORANT SLUT!!! He is not gay because he accomplished the dream of every
man, he is the Charlie Limberg of men. If I were him, I would suck my own dick on a plane going over the Atlantic. His
girlfriend should suck his dick because she is his girlfriend, do you question why the janitor cleans the toilets at your junior high?
You dumbass!!!!
Is the guy who can suck his own dick gay? Just the implication that a man who sucks his own dick is gay pisses me off. Is
the guy that gives himself a haircut gay? He performs a pleasureable service on himself that he would have to pay for otherwise.
He's more of a man than I am. Dumb girl.
She then alleges that it is not a gift from God because it was not given to every man. Hey Dumbass: it is not a gift if it is given
to everybody. Imagine the lunchline at your junior high, "Thank you dear Gladys for this lovely gift of applesauce." THE
ABILITY TO SUCK YOUR OWN DICK IS A GIFT FROM JESUS HIMSELF.
The one piece of decent advice given is that the dude should join the circus. The rest of us have to learn fucking UNIX or
something in order to make enough money to live. All this guy has to do is blow himself. Buddy, do it for a living. I hope for the
rest of your life, you don't have to do anything else for money except suck your own cock. I salute you. And readers - stick with
me, you aren't missing anything.
Love,
Metten