?And For the First Time Ever

 

 

For the first time ever in my whole entire life, I completely understand and agree with absolutely everyone?s stance on a particular issue.  I almost didn?t write this article since so many people have already weighed in on this one (stay tuned for my in-depth analysis of the war in Iraq, the Kobe Bryant case, that stupid Hobbit movie and everything else I can?t go 6 seconds without hearing about), but since tomorrow will mark the one-month anniversary since anybody contributed anything to the site, I figured I ought to file something.

 

So anyway, I was hanging out at Jeff Kay?s www.thewvsr.com (linked from this site and required daily reading for anyone who knows anything about anything) and I clicked on the link titled, ?Further Evidence That the End is Near?.  Usually, it leads to something so absurd that it makes one wonder if they should just go ahead and paint the walls with their brains just to get it over with.  The standard fare includes sites that offer to produce a portrait of you with Stevie Nicks, products to aid the morbidly obese with their personal hygiene, and a slew of individuals who are so pathetic in one capacity or another that their public cries for attention are as funny as any conscious attempt at comedy.

 

On this particular day, I was redirected to a page contained within porkjerky.com; a site who?s content and domain name are the property of Independence, Missouri comedian/comic (apparently comics say funny things and comedians say things funny ? In my opinion, this guy accomplishes both on several occasions) Jason Curless.  This particular page was titled, ?Let?s Mock the Dead? and featured several thumbnail shots that feature Curless smiling and waving next to homemade roadside memorials dedicated to loved ones who lost their lives in one form of traffic accident or another (yes, I realize the redundancy of saying that the memorials are for people who lost their lives ? shut up).  When the reader clicks on the thumbnails, they are taken to a page that contains a full-sized shot of the thumbnail, as well as an ?obituary? that describes the circumstances under which the subject of the memorial met their untimely demise and Curless? personal narrative in regard to the accident and the photo.

 

I don?t know if this is a reflection of my unrealized disrespect for people?s strongest emotions, a reflection of the extent to which mass media has desensitized me (?What video games did Hitler play again?? ? David Cross), or the extent of my appreciation of comedic talent, but on that particular day I was able to immediately and unconsciously put aside the fact that these were real people (mothers, daughters, fathers, sons, war heroes, blood donors, random pickup-truck-driving-alcoholics-that-killed-people, etc) who most likely died a painful and undeserved death in some interstate ditch.  I clicked on every thumbnail, looked at every picture, read every obituary and laughed until I had to look away from the screen just to catch my breath.  Perhaps since I also live in Independence, and perhaps since I had already seen many of the memorials (God is the only one who ever takes them down) and accepted them as part of my permanent landscape, I was able to find them funny ? Its possible - Honestly, I have no idea. 

 

At any rate, I found the site so funny that I showed it to friends.  After an initial display of horror, they at least pretended to think it was funny.  Then I mentioned it to my wife and brother-in-law who just happened to be hanging out at the time.  As I was explaining the site, my brother-in-law?s face slowly turned to a look of anger and disgust.  It was then that I remembered that he had been one of the drivers in a highway accident that damn near ripped his foot off and nearly killed him.  All of the emotions that I should have felt when I first saw the site (but didn?t) came rushing to the front of my conscience at once.  I felt freaking terrible. 

 

As it turns out, after a few of the people responsible for erecting these largely plastic monuments found out about the site.  Their efforts at shutting it down made Curless a local celebrity:

 

• KANSAS CITY, Mo. -- A Kansas City comedian posted pictures on his Web site that poke fun at those who have died in traffic accidents along highways. For most people, crosses along highways are somber reminders of traffic deaths. But Jason Curless calls the crosses high comedy, KMBC's Jeremy Hubbard reported.  Sheila Dyer didn't find Curless' site funny. She found a picture of her dead son's roadside memorial on the site, with the comedian smiling and waving next to it. She said it "took the wind" out of her.   http://www.thekansascitychannel.com/news/2860933/detail.html
• Unfortunately for Ms. Dyer?s cause, this is the same news organization that is bringing you a ?shocking? investigating report about toothpaste.  I wish you could see the commercial ? some guy shoving a tube of paste into some $6 an hour clerk?s face screaming, ?If the tube says, ?not for retail sale? then why are you selling it?!!?  Pathetic.
• Comedian Jason Curless may have found the fast track to Hell. He's created some contraversy by mocking roadside memorials. http://www.crankers.org/index.php?action=results&poll_ident=12
• Apparently spelling isn?t a big priority over at Crankers, but its publicity nonetheless.

 

 

There are a few others, but they all say the same thing. My Brother-in-law heard about it on Entercom Broadcasting?s ?Johnny Dare and Murphy in the Morning?, a local morning zoo-type program featuring jocks that are about as hackneyed as the comedians Curless routinely ridicules on his site.  I can imagine my brother-in-law hearing the report and saying to the other diesel mechanics that he works with, ?I hope I run into that a***ole someday so I can show him how f**king funny he is??

 

All these crazy thoughts and emotions running through my head made me do something that I hadn?t done since I quit caring about anything ? I stopped and thought about other people?s point of view.  It was a bizarre and uncomfortable phenomenon that I do not recommend.  I finally came to the conclusion that on this one, with the exception of the drunks that killed people who were just trying to get to work or whatever, everybody?s right.  Let me break down the players for you:

 

 

 

 

Curless

 

Don?t know him. Never met him. Doubt I will ever have any occasion to meet him.  My days of going to Stanford?s and trying to be funny are over.  I am confident that the only contact I will ever have with the guy will be a writing credit attributed to him that flashes across my TV screen as I drunkenly attempt to keep from passing out in my La-Z-Boy.  My endorsement has absolutely no potential to advance his career or otherwise benefit him in any capacity.  Having said that ? the guy is funny.  Really funny.  And he is doing what every other comedian in America is doing ? Curless takes something that strikes him a particular way and develops it into comedy.  And he?s freaking good at it.  Further, his site reflects a level of dedication and work ethic that is paralleled by few in the area.  Even with that understanding, and despite 4 million cable channels and internet sites providing an almost infinite number of new mediums for comedy ? it is near impossible to make a living in the business.  It is possible that the piece on porkjerky is an attempt to gain recognition for him and his comedy troupe (I think its called ?Slow Kids at Play? but I don?t really remember), even if this is the case, anyone who reads the site should be able see that these are his true opinions skillfully crafted into a bit, not merely a cheap ploy.  I completely understand, agree with and support Curless? positions on the monuments and his right to publish them.  Of course, my brother-in-law is the only person that I know who has even been in a car accident in the recent past.

 

Victim?s Families

 

Ignoring my personal opinion that roadside memorials look tacky and I doubt they would never help me deal with the loss of a loved one or bring attention to social problems like drunk driving, or driving while diabetic or whatever (At this point I drive past them without noticing), I have to admit that I have never lost a loved one in any tragic fashion.  I have no idea what it would be like to have to get over my son or daughter?s death, whether or not it was his or her own stupid fault.  I also realize that people have the right to grieve in their own way, no matter how unsightly I think it is.  If the only thing that helps me get over the loss of my uncle is walking around the block in longshoreman?s boots, I think I should be able to walk around the block in longshoreman?s boots without being ridiculed by some redheaded stranger.  Finally, it is a small price for the average traveler to pay to have to look at plastic cross every morning on the way to work if it helps someone get over loss.  Its not like the things are a site obstruction or a threat to life, health and safety or something.

 

 

Okay, out of time here so I will sum up.  People should have the right to grieve in their own way.  They should not, however, waste their time and energy trying to get the site torn down.  If not for their efforts to quiet Curless, the only people that would know that the roadside project exists would be Curless himself, the girl who takes the pictures, Jeff Kay and Me.  As far as I can tell, Jason Curless is smart, determined, extremely funny and well within his rights.  It is my sincere hope that Curless finds a gig in New York or L.A. soon because I suspect he will have difficulty getting up on a stage in Kansas City without being confronted physically by an equally determined person who thinks like I suspect my brother-in-law does.