Holy crap, what the hell am I going to do?  I haven’t written anything in forever.  I need to submit an article, but nobody has suggested a new format and the creative well that is metten has run dry.  Hey, I’ve got an idea…I’ll pull something out of my ass:

 

"I thought it was a stool!" came from the bedroom. I rushed into the bedroom. The lamp was in shards on the floor, and Sharron was bent over the bed, glass sticking out of her ass. Chris was trying to see through her laughter enduced tears to pluck some of the shards out.

"I have glass in my ass!" Sharon brayed in her heavy Jersey accent. "There's glass in my ass. I thought it was a stool! It looked like a stool. Get the glass out of my ass."

Mom, being a mom, came in and was, as they say, to the rescue. She adeptly cleaned Sharon up. I watched my mom pick glass shards out of my friend's ass. I watched that.

http://sooner.diaryland.com/accident.html

§        Without any doubt whatsoever, that was the greatest “glass in the ass” story I’ve every read.  Good thing I read all the way to hit number 92.

 

Need advice here guys...

What kind of lunch meat would be best to pack on the muscle and lardy fat on my ass? I am currently ass-training to build my ass size up. My goal is to eventually be able to shit blocks of lunch meat and cannon them out of my ass at speeds fast enough to kill deer. I am hoping and hoping and praying to take bigger, massive shits that steam like a that weighs in at a higher poundage than Gary Coleman…I've heard that is dangerous? Will lunch meat-loading prior to a shit session eventually take its toll on my long term health? Will I develop breasts and a lisp? What about the indians?

http://www.cyclingforums.com/t44026.html

§         What a great idea, I wish I’d thought of it.  All you have to do is go to forums that are really serious and just ask them absurd and ridiculous questions - And Whammy!!!  Instant Comedy!  The responses would probably by funnier than the posts.  I think I’ll rip this person off and try a couple.  Maybe we have a new format after all.  I didn’t really rip the idea off – it’s pretty similar to the failed chat room experiment that I tried last year.  Only I think it would work with forums.  Let me do some experimenting and get back to you guys.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Remember that kid in class, who would constantly ask questions he already knew the answer to? His other trick was to ask a question that the teacher was obviously just about to answer.

Teacher: So 8x9 is 72 and 9x9 is 81.
Sycophantic Turd: But what, teacher, is 9x10?
Teacher: I’m glad you asked that, because I was just about to get to it. You’ve earned a cookie. Perhaps you can eat it out of my ass after class.

That kid now works at CNN, ESPN or for the NBA, and he’s still striving for ass cookies. His job is to pretend to be mortally appalled by the fact that some asshole threw a beer at another asshole and they had a fight, but never to remind you of something genuinely upsetting or disturbing…

http://ruthlessreviews.com/rants/erich/artest.html

§         I don’t think anybody at B.I.C. mentioned the Ron Artest brawl…or maybe they did – I can’t remember.  In case they didn’t, this guy provides a pretty funny take.  Mmmmmmmm…ass cookies…

 

More to come…