12.26.02
My daughter is 2.5 years old and I want to get her into ice skating. I have never skated but my wife has. Last week we took her
to the rink and the ice scared her a little, but my question is this: what advice can you give me to help her learn? i.e, double blades
vs. single blades, what techniques should we use, etc? I spoke to a couple teachers, they told me to get her on the ice myself
before enrolling her in a class so she doesnt freak out (I thought that was good advice) some things I think I should do just out
of common sense are as follows: she freaked out a little just because she had skates on, I think I am going to put them on her
while we are sitting on the couch, just so she gets use to having them on. also, initially if she does not want to get on the ice,
have my wife hold her while while she skates. Also, I should take lessons so i can skate also (I have a 1.5 year old son that I
want to play hockey) but I am not going to push it. Any advice that anyone could give me would be much appreciated.
Darin
Marcia's mom says:
Darin, remember it's your children that will be skating. I would maybe bring your daughter to a show or competition, the glitz
might interest her. Let her watch to get interested if she 'freaks' out, if it looks like fun then she may want to try. She might not
be ready yet. I have always thought carrying a child while skating is very dangerous a fall could hurt both your wife and your
child - some rinks don't even allow it. Good luck!
Holy Jesus!!! There are so many fucking people that need to be severely hurt over this!!!
1) These children need to be taken and placed in foster homes - its the only chance they have.
2) The man and wife need to have their reproductive organs dipped in an acid so potent that they will not only be rendered
sterile, they will experience pain for the rest of their existence. Once they are dead, they should be shot. Motherfuckers!
I would rather have had my parents leave me in a hot car in the middle of July while they went into a seedy hotel to try and score
some smack and let me suffocate or die of heat exhaustion rather than have to grow up being pushed to be an ice skater. You
stupid fucking cock gobblers!!! Why did you have children? Is little Johnny going to be the first 6 year-old NHL goalie? You
are a fucking loser!!! Your poor innocent kids are not going to make you rich and famous!! Do your kids a favor and kill
yourself YOU FUCKING WASTE OF HUMAN LIFE!!!!!! The very fact that you exist makes me want to lose all faith in human
existence and become a republican. Okay, I feel better now...just need to breathe...
3) I would rather be the webmaster at www.corpsefuckers.com (thanks to Patton Oswald) than have anything to do with this
child-labor-ice-skating-bullshit. Hey ISP providers - Do not host ice skating forums!!! Porno is fine, escort services? Knock
yourself out!!! Mexican presciption drugs? Go right ahead! But if I catch you encouraging someone like "Darin" I will
personally kick your ass.
4)Marcia's mom, Marcia's mom, Marcia's Mom..... YOU STUPID BITCH!!! WASN'T IT BAD ENOUGH TO FUCKING RUIN
MARCIA'S LIFE?!? ISN'T IT HARD ENOUGH FOR YOU TO SLEEP AT NIGHT REALIZING THE FACT THAT YOU HAVE
REDUCED YOUR DAUGHTER TO THE EQUIVALENT OF A VIETNAMESE SWEAT SHOP EMPLOYEE JUST SO THAT
YOU CAN ENJOY SOME TOP-NOTCH VICARIOUS LIVING?!? YOU HAVE TO START UP A WEB SITE AND ADVICE
COLUMN THAT TEACHES OTHER ASSHOLES HOW TO DO IT?!? I SWEAR TO GOD, IF I SHOULD RUN INTO YOU AT
BARNES AND NOBLE ONE DAY FIVE YEARS FROM NOW WHILE YOU ARE PIMPING YOUR NOW 13 YEAR-OLD
ALCOHOLIC DAUGHTER'S AUTOBIOGRAPHY, I AM GOING TO BITCH-SLAP YOU SO HARD YOU'LL WISH YOU HAD
ACTUALLY GOTTEN A FUCKING JOB LIKE THE REST OF US!!!
5) And you America - I love ya, I really do. But this whole thing is your fault. What is an Olympic gold medal? Great. Jesse
Owens can outrun Hitler. So can I. Stop putting little girls on the cover of Time Magazine. Stop giving them million dollar
sponsorship deals. Seriously - knock it off. I don't care if 8 year olds make the best skaters - Little fingers make the best
seamstresses for sneakers, but that doesn't make it legal. It certainly doesn't make it right.
Fuck Darin, Fuck Marcia's Mom, and Fuck Figure Skating,
Love,
Metten