ADVICE COLUMNS SUCK
	I recently caught my wife kissing her best girlfriend. She told me that she had done this about 3 other times before. Being that her girlfriend is one of her best friends, she occasionally spends the night at her house. I am fairly certain that they sleep in the same bed. My wife has told me that she is not gay or bi. I mostly believe her, but because we are having some problems lately, I am beginning to question it. In general, do girls do this without being bi or lesbian? Any advice? -On the way "out" Dear Out, Hmmmm... sounds a little fishy to me. If your wife feels comfortable enough to make-out with her friend while you're in the vicinity, chances are they've been practicing. But it doesn't matter what the gender of the object of your wife's affections, unless you haven an"open" marriage arrangement in place, it's still cheating, isn't it? Mind you, this little foray doesn't necessarily mean your wife is gay, or even bisexual--but that's not the issue here. You two need to identify your problems and redefine what you each want out of your lives together, both sexually and emotionally. Good luck. Sorry for the break from the column, kids.  A little life transition can really fuck your schedule up.  LIKE WHEN THEY TAKE YOUR GODDAMNED INTERNET ACCESS AWAY FROM YOU AT WORK!!!  But I digress... This week's column comes from a genius that calls her advice column, "Ask a Ho".  Apparently she's the "Ho in the know".  Cute.  Fucking moron.  I'll briefly mention that I've always spelled it "Hoe", but really, who cares?  Its a person that has sex for money, we all know what she means. At any rate, the advice-seeker steps to the plate with a question that only a man who would trust his romantic future to "The Ho in the know" could ask.  "I learned that my wife has the mental capacity to kiss another woman, is she a lesbian?  By the way, we're having trouble in our relationship"  Sooooo stupid.  Wow.  That's a stupid question. Anyway, in light of recent developments in my life, I have decided that it is time to tackle the subject of lesbianism.  Some of you that know me might find this statement humorous because you may have seen me almost physically tackle a gaggle of lesbians during a public performance a few weeks ago.  I guess lesbianism is at the front of my brain lately.  I don't hate lesbians, just their mouthy heterosexual friends.  Wow, my first tangent.   Sorry, I have to digress again.  How many of those are you allowed in one column? Okay, the advice giver makes one crucial mistake:  Not being able to address the question within.  The question he asked was not the question he wanted the answer to.  She saw that, but didn't care.  All the hoe could do was tell a pussy-smells-like-fish-joke, tell them to work their problems out, and wish them good luck. Not good enough hoe.  The correct answer is:  Hey, Lou Diamond Phillips (that's the guy that played the Indian in Young Guns and used to be married to or dating Anne Heche before she dumped him for Ellen Degeneres, (for anyone under 25: go rent it, it's not good, but at least you'll know what Emilio Estevez was like before Disney raped him with a chicken and sold his dignity on E-bay) your problem is one of two things:  1)  You're a bad husband and you are screwing your shit up- be a better husband.  2) Your wife is dumping you to have a relationship - What does it matter what the sex of the other person is?  Be ready for anything - All's fair in love, war, lesbianism, and Mighty Ducks movies. Love (and I promise I'll do better next time), Metten
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