Mitchell's Multi-Monthly Meanderings
		MMMM 082003 Base-cation Every summer I take a baseball vacation with my mother.  We always see the Cubs, usually at Wrigley, but sometimes we?ll hit a road game.  I just got back from this year?s trip, two cubs losses to the Dodgers, and here is what I have to say! 1.  Tear Down Wrigley!      We had the worst seats in baseball this weekend.  Saturday we were in the upper deck, obstructed,              Ueker seats.  Sunday, in the grandstands, underneath the upper deck, obstructed but, get this, IN                 FRONT of the pathetic 27? screens Wrigley puts in for its second class citizens.  The only plays I               could see were ground balls to third, and there weren?t any!      Couple this with the pathetic food-faire, and one bathroom, and you?ve got yourself a dump.      The charm of Wrigley Field is the Ivy, Hand-op scoreboard and the bleachers.  Leave those around but         rebuild the grandstands to a modern facility or I ain?t comin? back! 2.  Yep, This is Definitely Lower Wacker Drive      I?ve never had troubles navigating Chicago.  I?ve also never had a hotel give instructions that led me             underground.  ?We can be happy underground!?  I don?t understand this, but there is E Lower Wacker        Drive, W Lower Wacker Drive, N Lower Wacker Drive, and S Lower Wacker Drive!  Of course, they        are underground, so they show up on no maps!  I felt like Clark freaking Grizwold!  ?Look Mom, 33 E        Lower Wacker Drive, Self Parking!? 3.  Ozzie?  Or Augie?      I wanted to see hitless wonder Augie Ojeda.  He didn?t play.  What I did get though, was a huge                   heaping helping of Ozzie Ozbourne.  What a Cock-Ass!  The crowd went nuts! 4.  The Curse of my Mother      I think the Cubs are about 2-792 when she goes Cubs games.  As a true fan, I think she should quit             going, as she clearly has an impact on the result of the game. 5.  Missed Out on Morgan     All access to Morgan Street PROHIBITED! 6.  Kevin Kietzman?s allright      I?m here to declare Chicago?s sports radio stations the worst in the world.  The guys on The Score             just make stuff up off the top of their heads.  WGN does no pre or post game.  Oh, and Des Moines            now has NO sports radio.  I was never so glad to hear Danny Clinkscale?s voice Monday! 7.  Lord of the Blowjobs      Mother made us watch the Two Towers.  She said it was good.  Yes?  She Trixted us!  That movie            sucked worse than the first one.  And that movie SUCKED! 8.  My Tax Dollars Hard at Work      I was almost totally deafened  when a $6 billion B-1 bomber buzzed Wrigley.  There was an air and              water show in Chicago with about 56 kazillion dollars worth of military planes.  Were they shooting             bad guys?  No, just doing neat stunts, much to the delight of the ignoramooses. That?s it for now.  See you next week.  Also,  don?t forget your submissions.   send ?em to mitchell@thegogs.net
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