Ten Reasons I Love The Wrath of Kahn
7.30.03
?So, Mitchell,? you say, ?You hate The Empire Strikes Back??
?Yes.?
?Is it not the greatest movie sequel of all-time??
"No.?
?Well then, give us your favorite and give 10 reasons why.?
?Okay.?
Star Trek II: The Wrath of Kahn is not only the best sequel of all-time, it is one of the greatest movies ever
produced. The Star Trek crew has their finest moment in this 1982 epic. Hey, I think Star Trek sucks ass
so I?m even biased against it. Anyway, set your phasers to read for the Ten Reasons I Love The Wrath of
Kahn!
1. Mind Controlling Ear Mites
Okay, Ceti Eels are f-ing creepy! I still get nightmares about that thing crawling into Checkov?s ear.
?Squeek Squeek Squeek? Ewwwww! Mynocks?
2. Freakazoid Quotes
I truly enjoyed the way they played off Ricardo Montalban?s character from Freakazoid, Armondo Guitierrez.
Lines like ?You task me Freakazoid,? ?I chuckle at thee? and ?Revenge is a dish best served with pinto beans
and muffins? are delightfully woven into Kahn?s dialogue in tribute to the greatest cartoon of all-time.
3. Illegitimate Children
Until researching for this article, I was under the impression that Dr. Marcus was some chick Kirk nailed on
the original show. Nope. Writers Bennett and Sowards introduced her and her kid to the Star Trek universe.
Balls! Huevos Grande! This is Star Trek! This is Captain Kirk! They could?ve been lynched. They
weren?t, I guess Trekkies understand that the life of a space captain can get lonely. It doesn?t speak well for
23rd century contraception though.
4. Flash Gordon
Its not him, but Kahn?s kid, Joachim looks just like the dude that played Flash Gordon. ?I shall Avenge You!?
5. Story Telling 101
Kahn?s screenplay is well written, with a circular story arc that features several memorable themes. George
Lucas would call these tone poems, but George is a crazy old coot. Most prevalent is the Kobayashi Maru
trial, the no win situation, which serves as the story?s foundation. More important, and more memorable
though, is Spock?s ?needs of the many? philosophy which ultimately leads to?
6. Killing Spock
I think it?s pretty clear the writers knew ?they? were planning on bringing him back, as evidenced by the
Vulcan mind meld Spock gave Bones, ?Remember,? but I give them credit for doing it anyway. I mean you
talk about balls! Huevos Mucho Grande! This is Star Trek! This is Spock! The whole film comes to
fruition in this moment. ?The needs of the many outweigh?? ?The needs of the few,? ?Or the one. I never
took the Kobayashi Maru trial until now. What do you think of my solution?? ?Spock!? ?I have been and
always shall be your friend. Live long, and prosper.? Totally awesome! Sorry to quote the whole thing, but
this is the best scene in cinema history. Everything has come full circle, and Lucas? tone poems have
wrapped up! Even though I know Spock comes back to life, for some reason, I still get teary eyed at this
beautiful moment.
7. Space Battles
Star Trek is notorious for having shitty space battles. Kahn is the sole exception in the whole franchise.
Reliant tears up the Enterprise pretty damn bad. Completely blind in the nebula, Bad Ass! Kahn?s stubborn
intent on revenge gives Kirk and the gang two opportunities to even the score. Thank goodness! The
complete and total wanton destruction of Federation property appeals to non-Star Trek fans such as myself!
8. Production
Again, something Star Trek is notorious for is lowball production value. Take a look at any of the TV series,
Star Trek I, or, especially, Insurrection (the lowest form of Star Trek) and you?ll see what I mean. Plastic
ships, paper mache aliens and polyester uniforms have been replaced in Kahn by actual, legitimate Hollywood
caliber special effects and set design. Good or bad, CGI as we know it would not exist without The Genesis
Project.
9. No Klingons
Klingons are stupid. This movie doesn?t have any.
10. Lastly, but not leastly?Kahn!
I love Ricardo Montalban! I don?t know much about his old Hollywood leading man days, but Planet of the
Apes, Fantasy Island, Cannonball Run II, and of course Freakazoid are all tremendous projects. Kahn is the
greatest villain in fiction?s history. Undisputed!!! Montalban is fed superb lines and pulls them off with
ridiculous vigor! ?It is very cold in space!? Plus he wears that cool Micheal Jackson glove that was all the
rage in 1982. I?ve never seen the Kahn episode from the series, ?Space Seed,? but for some reason, Kahn is
a thinly veiled Captain Ahab metaphor. That?s weird, but we get lines like this: ?No, Kirk. The Game?s not
over. To the last I will grapple with thee.? ?From hell's heart, I stab at thee. For hate's sake, I spit my last
breath at thee.? ?I spit in your general direction, Ptewy!? Absolutely wonderful stuff! Best of all it?s not a
woman playing him, Mrs. Palpatine!